Am I talking to myself? The truth is – we all talk to ourselves. The better question is… what are you saying to yourself? This is called self-talk.
Self-talk is about more than simply saying affirmations. Self-talk is rooted in our past and present experiences, our beliefs, and our world views. We’re all taught these things during childhood, but during this time, there may have been experiences that set the stage for negative self-talk. Don’t be too disheartened though. We can unlearn it!
What is negative self-talk?
Verywell Health describes negative self-talk as your “inner voice making critical, negative, or punishing comments. These are the pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical thoughts that go through your head upon making judgments about yourself.”
Likewise, one of the most individualized ways to challenge negative talk is self-care. Self-care is customized to you because you get to decide what it is, how it’s done, and the routine you want.
Here’s how self-care can help us to unlearn negative self-talk.
Self-care helps us to acknowledge our inner child.
“Often referenced in psychotherapy, the inner child is a young part of our psyche that influences how we think and react as adults.” During childhood, we are also taught about right and wrong, beautiful and unbeautiful, and good vs bad.
During this time, the foundation is laid for our self-beliefs. However, if we had experiences that made us feel like we didn’t measure up to certain expectations, we might feel bad or as though we’re making a mess. So, when you start your healing journey, self-care can be a great tool for putting positive self-talk into practice.
For instance, even if you haven’t finished your chores, or you haven’t finished the amount of work you expected to, you can still rest, eat your favorite food, read yourself a story, watch that favorite show before tucking yourself in, or play a game you like.
You don’t have to punish yourself. Treating yourself kindly helps to unlearn punitive (punishing) thoughts by doing the opposite of what they suggest.
Self-care helps us understand that we can be affectionate to ourselves.
Furthermore, many people have experienced not receiving the affection they need, and in adulthood, this can trigger us. It can lead to thoughts that begin with phrases like “I don’t deserve," "they don’t want," or "I am not.”
However, self-care teaches us that we can show ourselves affection too. This is not to say that we don’t need it from others. It’s just to illuminate how we can take some power back by showing ourselves softness.
Soft blankets, weighted blankets, stuffed animals, taking a nap, warm tea, and calming decor can be forms of self-love. Affection also looks like acts of service. So, as long as you’re doing things for yourself that feel soft, you are challenging negative self-talk.
Self-care helps us to be okay with just existing.
Growing up, training and regimen may have been an impactful part of understanding right and wrong as well as good and bad. When we did something right or worthy of praise, we may have been rewarded or acknowledged, especially in a competition setting. But, as adults, life can be very fast-paced, so we need to give ourselves time to simply breathe.
Furthermore, it's important to know that self-care is an important part of acknowledging when you're tired, hungry, or overestimated. Yes, self-care is a reward, but if it helps, you don't always have to frame it this way. Self-care is also a responsibility, and you are not lazy for committing to it. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be the best all the time, and self-care is ultimately a win.
Self-care helps us to regulate our emotions and thoughts.
When we take care of ourselves and lower chronic stress, it's easier to organize our thoughts, to identify negative self-talk, and to challenge it. Self-care helps also us to avoid spiraling and feeling too many of the negative feels. Moreover, it gives us the naturally deserved focus we need to redirect our minds on self-compassionate thoughts.
We cannot provide medical advice. Speaking to a licensed mental heath professional is best!