Even though we always hear the phrase, “love knows no bounds,” having no limits in love can foster resentment, exhaustion, and at times, a shutting down of emotions. So, how can boundaries help us fulfill our needs and likewise be an expression of self-care?

Well, to begin with, boundaries establish your non-negotiable needs and the space you need to be comfortable. Since we and our worlds are always changing, this means most relationships will need to continually negotiate boundaries.

So, if you don’t feel seen or heard in a relationship, how can you validate your 

1. Realize Your Triggers

A trigger is an intense, emotional reaction to a present behavior that reminds you of something painful from your past (Counseling Recovery, 2023). If you want to commit to self-love, don’t continue to overlook your boundaries whilst continuing to meet your friends/family/partner’s needs, especially if your mental health is being negatively affected. That is not self-love, and taking action after  realizing that you’re uncomfortable or overwhelmed is a way of expressing self-worth.

Ignoring your own discomfort just to accommodate your loved one can feel exhausting, and because you are no longer prioritizing your comfort, it can make it difficult to practice self-love

2. Know what your needs are 

Identifying our feelings allows us to identify what we need to accomplish self-love. Once we do this, we can take action and meet that need. Rather than outwards, self-care often requires us to turn inward. So, ask yourself, do you need more connection or appreciation? It’s important to set boundaries or find relationships that allow these needs to be met.

3. Take action on your must-have needs or desire for space.

Communicate how you truly feel about certain behavior or dynamics in your relationships. Say “no” when you need to, and tell your loved one how you expect to be treated. And remember that being vulnerable is not just for the other person. It’s also a chance to get things off of your chest, lessen your stress, and to validate your own feelings. Speaking up and communicating is an essential part of taking care of yourself, and it’s something you deserve. Remember, communicating your needsarea need, not a luxury. 

Cover photo cred: istock