What does it mean to be happy with oneself? Does it mean you feel more positive than negative emotions about yourself, or does it mean holistically liking yourself? Can you have feelings that are less than positive about yourself and still be happy? Let’s talk about what science says regarding happiness, we’ll also talk about what society says, and how we can decide our own happy medium — or better yet, how we have the power to create our own definition!
Features of happiness
The most influential neurochemical theory of positive mood asserts that positive mood is associated with (but not necessarily caused by) genetics and experiences that increase levels of dopamine in the brain. So, things like images, activities, food, and sleep can increase levels of dopamine. This is what motivates us to pursue pleasurable experiences.
But, then begs the question – is happiness just a response to stimuli or a series of chemical reactions? Not necessarily. One of the most consequential features of human happiness is a sense of belonging. Clinicians assert that the need to feel a part of a collective is deeply ingrained into the human psyche, almost inextricably. Feeling connected, meaningful, and able to participate in one’s environment are three cornerstones of well-being.
According to science, experiences that are meaningful, bonded, and collective can perpetuate happiness. While joyful, exciting, or euphoric experiences can elevate mood, scientists suggest meaningful experiences are the ones that bring happiness. It’s important to note though that consistently elevated moods can contribute to our overall state of happiness or help to build it.
Does happiness require confidence?
What is the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem?
While self-confidence is trusting your abilities, self-esteem is trusting in your worth. Self-confidence says, “I can ___,” and self-esteem says, “I am ___.” Because self-worth is related to our sense of belonging, self-worth is the foundation of self-esteem. When we form opinions about ourselves, they are largely rooted in our experiences, which often involve our environment and the treatment we’ve experienced from collectives.
This brings us to the following point: Our environment, who we’re around, what we’re exposed to, and the experiences we’ve had play a consequential role in our happiness. You can be confident, but to say confidence is simply a choice does not always capture the full picture. Across social media, we see different collectives such as skin positivity and body positivity groups, but because of our own experiences, it’s easy to feel excluded from the very groups meant to be inclusive.
While the idea that confidence is a choice can be empowering, it’s important to understand that happiness and mood play a considerable role. So, if you’re feeling self-conscious, don’t be too hard on yourself. While it’s easy to look in the mirror and say, “I should be happy…,” happiness and mood can be influenced by things that were or are currently out of our control. Plus, it’s never helpful to start thinking things like “I am ungrateful” or “I am not doing enough.”
Show yourself grace, and accept how you’re feeling. While taking feedback from the collective or the people around you can be helpful, it’s also important to form your own opinions. What type of environments resonate with you? What collectives do you see yourself reflected in? What types of connections feel positive and provide meaningful experiences? Determining this is known as subjective well-being or satisfaction, one of the most consequential features of happiness.
So yes, we can make the decision to pursue happiness, but we also have to discover what that journey means to us. And on this journey, it’s important to see ourselves, validate our experiences, and to make space for healing. Sometimes simply acknowledging yourself is self-love.
Cover photo cred: Foto Revista
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