However, many women going through hair loss face invalidation. And although the comments from loved ones often come from a positive place, they can make the person experiencing the hair loss feel alone. Here are a few phrases that might elicit unintended effects.
“It doesn't matter what you look like.”
When we're facing a perceived challenge with our appearance, yes, acceptance feels good. But, is there a difference between acceptance and understanding?
Yes. "Acceptance" and "understanding" are actually two distinct concepts. Acceptance is like saying, “It is what it is” while understanding is like asking, “What is this experience like for you?” Yes, the two concepts are intertwined but understanding is the empathy and compassion component. Having someone’s understanding is humanizing.
When we feel understood, we feel connected, and not so isolated.
“It's just hair.”
It's true that our appearance does not define us, but for some people and even cultures, hair is paramount to identity and self-expression. Moreover, struggling with a major change to one's appearance may not have much to do with the hair itself, but with the loss of control. When there is a major and involuntary change to our appearance, it can bring feelings of powerlessness and even cause one's sense of self to feel like it's fleeting.
“You don't need a wig.”
How someone chooses to pursue their hair journey is completely up to them. Sometimes, wigs and cosmetics can be empowering and return a semblance of normalcy. It's not our place to tell someone what they need or don't need as they experience hair loss. As mentioned before, this can bring about feelings of invalidation.
How can I help?
The best thing is to listen. Sometimes showing someone the bright side is about simply being present, grounding them in how much you care, and providing support in a way that resonates with them.
If you are experiencing hair loss, we have some narratives that could be helpful here!
Joy Blenman: Loving Every Inch of Me with Alopecia.
Mohana: Hair lost. Confidence Gained.
Katie: Beauty Is a Feeling, Not a Façade
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